Fading Into A Lack Of Purpose

So. Fourteenth November has come and gone, and just a week later it feels as if the Boards were ages in the past. It’s hard to come to terms with the idea that a whole year was spent preparing for twenty days of mediocre difficulty and great luck- but as wise sages put it, the more you prepare, the luckier you get.

Wise sages are morons.

Of course, I’m glad that the inherent torture of exams is gone, but the biggest problem pre-exams has returned- days upon days of exams, emphasized by a lack of social life and the girth of too large a laziness factor. Even if I wanted an absence of boredom, there would be my laziness to put me back in my senses. Even more deadly than boredom, a problem easily solved by the cooperation of a parent (*ahem* Xbox *ahem*), there is no a great void in my daily life in which resided a certain purpose, however unwilling I may have been to follow it.

After Sophrosyne goes away for another year, I will have absolutely no plan for the rest of this month and most of the next. There will always be those supposed ‘after exam’ schemes I was meant to get around to, but they realized at their conception they were never meant to be. Much like my homework, they will always suffer the fate of being left too long to no consequences. Sadly, they will be conquered by the ever-growing forces of delay. (I’m writing that I will do nothing all day while sitting in. place called Café Diem. Shows you.) Vacation in Bali will be a good getaway, and sitting/floating in a swimming-pool doing nothing counts as something, even if productivity is still equal to zero. I will have lost my sense of direction in what to do, and while it will leave me in one of my favourite places, I am beginning to realize what repercussions it can have. Pros outweigh cons, though.

Results out in January, and something that will pretty much determines what is going to happen to the next handful of years of my life. But that is still insignificant.

It’s only then that some purpose will return in the form of SAT prep, some community service, an internship, learning an instrument, few other things here and there. It may sound a lot on my plate to you, fascinated reader, as it did me. But then again, it’s going to be a breeze, most of my day spent wasting away the broadband surfing the web. That’s how it goes, and that’s how it went. Yeah, my future is hellishly dark and grimy.

So as I sit here at this table next to the steaming cafeteria hearing ugly music amp from the dance studio next door and watching stupid ninth graders (fight me) gabber in their stomach-turning immaturity and stupidity, I wonder what I will do once my ability to stick in a lane is lost. For some, it is an opportunity to express themselves using their well-earned breaks. For me, it is just so much more time to waste. All the reason I had, to work or to laze or whatever, isn’t even there anymore. Is that a bad thing? Depends. Boredom is the bane, but wasting time is my specialty.

See you on the other side, when this laptop has already been home for some intent instead the outlet for a random fool.